Happiness for the unhappy

    

   I’ve been thinking a lot about being happy lately.  "Life Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness", is a well-known phrase in the United States Declaration of Independence. The phrase gives three examples of the "unalienable rights" which the Declaration says has been given to all human beings by their Creator, and for which governments are created to protect.” God’s own son, Jesus,  spoke of being happy at Matthew 5: 3-12. He listed nine things that would make people happy and then he said “Rejoice and be overjoyed,”. 

 Life in this current system of things, controlled by the devil often makes being happy difficult. I think that’s why you often find so many trying to encourage others to be happy and find happiness. You could peruse social media sites and find people posting dozens of ‘inspirational’ ‘happiness’ quotes every day. Of course what we pursue with the goal of happiness depends on our value system. As many will attest to, what we think will make us happy is not always what truly does make for happiness.

    What keeps spinning around in my mind is the idea of happiness being, as the Declaration of Independence speaks of as, an “unalienable right”.  I can’t help but wonder if it’s more than a right? And if happiness is not really dependent on circumstances or anything external, but rather the conscience choice of the individual to “be happy” then how can any government truly protect that right that is in the sole control of the individual themselves?

     I know that there are things that can rob us of a measure of joy or happiness. Things like death and sickness. However, I know that Jesus words there in Matthew indicate that even those things should not be able to take away true inner peace and happiness.

    What if being happy is not a privilege to be earned or even a ‘right’? What if, as I’m beginning to believe, it’s an integral part of our being. What if we were created with the NEED to be happy the same way we are created with the need to be loved or even to eat?

    I think every human on the planet pursues happiness whether they know it or not. I think we’re hard wired to do so. What worries me is what happens to a person who thinks they don’t deserve to be happy.  I often find individuals that for any number of reasons: guilt, genetics, upbringing or life experiences, often feel this way. I used to be one of those people.

     Speaking from experience, conversations and observation, I see that it is human nature to find things or experiences that make us feel good or happy. We eat foods that taste good to us. We wear clothes that either feel good on or make us feel like we look good. And we reject things that we find distasteful unless we believe that it is for our ultimate good even if there is something unpleasant about the experience.

   So what happens when a person thinks they don’t deserve to be happy? What happens when that negative voice inside our head starts condemning us and telling us, “Who do you think you are? What makes you worthy of that promotion? What makes you so special that that person should love you? Why do you deserve to be treated with tenderness and kindness? Why should you have that privilege? Why would that person respect you?” All those negative thoughts keep beating down our self esteem and feelings of self worth and then suddenly our hard wiring kicks in and we subconsciously start looking for something else to make us feel better, feel happy. We reach for that quart of ice cream, the pound of chocolate and the bag of chips. Or worse yet, we grab a bottle of alcohol, buy that expensive jewelry, flirt with that attractive but married co worker. Then what? We feel better for a little while but eventually the temporary high wears off and if we don’t find a way to value ourselves enough to believe we deserve to be happy we just keep looking for these lesser things in life to satisfy the unalienable NEED to be happy. I wonder if that isn’t the driving force for some who become addicted to drugs and alcohol. People just don’t want to hurt anymore but don’t feel worthy of true happiness from sources that carry greater value in their eyes so they turn to things that carry less value or merit.

    What would happen though if we recognized that being happy is as important as eating every day? What if, while we drank our morning cup of joe and ate that banana we thought about not just what we’ll wear to feel good but what we’ll do that will not only make us feel happy but that will actually build within us a greater sense of self worth? What if we understood that being UNhappy is not only bad for us but actually can lead to behavior that will hurt others and put a strain on our relationship with our family and friends? What if being happy, I mean truly being happy is an act of selflessness NOT selfishness?

    
     I wonder...

I love you

     Love. I find great displeasure in the fact that the English language only has one word to describe so many possibilities for the deep emotional connection one has to another human being. Everyone and their sister writes about it.

 I think too of the complexity of love as it relates to the way it is experienced by the two people it's attached to. For example the love felt between a parent and child compared to husband and wife is very different. In the case of parent and child the love from mother to her child is vastly greater and deeper from the love of a child to the mother, particularly when the child is an infant. However, even within a marriage love can be lopsided or it can come from an unhealthy motive causing either one or both to feel unloved and unwanted. Of course these are only two examples of love in relationships. Most relationships are unique to themselves because each individual is unique. Each one creates it's own fingerprint. But there are a few basic characteristics that allow us to identify it.

      The bible book of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 describes what true love looks like. 1 John 4:8 tells us that it is the very essence of God. Mankind was created in God's image thus we possess the ability to love. Every human has the need to receive it.

      Adam was given a great love with Eve.I often wonder what their relationship must have been like prior to their rebellion. I imagine it must have been the kind of  love that storytellers dream of. A relationship marked by true companionship, genuine understanding, cooperation, good communication, joy, friendship and a true partnership; pure beauty the way God intended it to be. What of passion? Not to be romanticized but one might also assume that their relationship was, on some level deeply passionate as well.

     However, what made Adam sacrifice everything, including that beautiful relationship with his wife? Did his love become so distorted that he lost sight of what true love meant? Did he fear losing her love or respect if he didn't follow her in her course? What did he possibly hope to gain from leaving the protection and direction of God's loving care? What of his love for his creator? Did he stop loving Him? Did he ever love God?

     There is much that could be speculated on in relation to Adam's thoughts but that would take me off into another subject. What I am thinking of is how intense and deep love can be between a husband and wife. How amazing it can be or how that love could become distorted and ceases to be love and one behaves in a way that is indecent and unhealthy for both parties.

     I've experienced a variety of loves in all their complexity. Love between me and my mother, my father, my son, my daughter and a husband. Throughout all the many relationships, each one has been very unique. Over the years some have grown and deepened, one has suffered losses and one hangs by a thread tied to principles. However I had never experienced love the way they depict it in the typical romantic dramas like Pride and Prejudice, Romeo and Juliet or The Notebook. It never bothered me because in my entire adult life I always thought that these stories sensationalized and exaggerated romance and love. I still believe they do. In fact I read a somewhat amusing yet pretty valid article entitled: Movie romances: would they really last?, that I think confirms my beliefs.

    Then one day I met a man who made all my teenage dreams come true. It's the first time that I realized just how intense and unselfish love could be. In all my past romantic relationships there never seemed to be a deeply passionate connection either. However, I have discovered that it's possible to find a deep emotional connection that sparks intense passion.

     I admit that our love is still in it's newlywed phase as we've only been together and married for a little over two years. But we're also not spring chickens living on easy street. I turn 42 tomorrow and my husband is 45. We've both got bodies that are showing serious wear and tear! We've got 5 kids between the ages of 10 - 18. So it's not like we are living the life of many typical newlyweds, fun and fancy free. Life is really hard sometimes! There are bills yelling for payment, cars that scream for repairs, schools demanding donations and kids incessantly knocking at the bedroom door.

       Somehow, in spite of the grime of daily living I find myself absolutely positively head over heels in love. This man makes me weak in the knees when he kisses me, gives me chills down my spine when he whispers in my ears, "I love you Sunny", brings tears to my eyes when he asks if we can pray together. I am crazy in love with this man.

     I don't really know if our love is lopsided, but I know it doesn't feel that way. I don't know if I'm just being a typical ENFJ and feeling all the excitement and electricity of a healthy romantic relationship, but I do know that this is the kind of relationship I've always wished for. I don't know if he sees all the fireworks of passion that I do, but I do know he likes knowing that I see them.  I don't know if this euphoric feeling will last forever, but I do know that I will spend forever with him. I don't know if, as life gets harder and we get older this love will still burn like fire or eventually die down to a warm glow, but I do know that I will spend every day trying to keep it a blaze.
     
     I leave you here with all my fragments of thoughts. Take what interests you and formulate your own conclusions. Be inspired to create something new to you. Roll your eyes and scoff at the incredulity of my reality. Create a love you can not live without.