What do you do when someone you love decides to take a road that's headed into the complete opposite direction than the one you're on? In addition to the direction you know that that road leads to nothing but pain and heartache. How do you stop them? Do you even try?
20 years and a lifetime later you find that you and your loved one
are standing on the same road, together once again.What happens now?
Where do you start? You can't exactly pick up from where you left off.
You and they are not the same person you were 20 years ago. Life has
happened to you both.
You start at the place in which you stand. You
begin a new friendship on the foundation that you first built on. The
foundation of love. ~ This is a snapshot story of a most precious friendship that has endured over many years. Everyone in this story has their own perspective, their own memories and their own experiences. These are mine.
 |
| 1980 something, Phx. AZ Clowning around with my little brother. |
It was late 1970 something. I don't remember when we first met. In fact for me, Suki had always been there. She was my best friend and sometimes only friend. We were only months apart. We had much in common. Our parents were friends. I had a brother 5 years younger than I and she had a sister about the same age. We shared the same religious beliefs but never went to the same school, until 8th grade. She was beautiful, had all the latest brand clothing, smart, talented and popular. She seemed to have it all. As much as I loved her I often found myself jealous of her. I wanted to be her, I wanted her life. What I didn't know, was that underneath all that "perfect" she, like me, battled dark things. The kind of dark things you don't share with others, not always because you're afraid to but sometimes because you can hardly understand them yourself and wouldn't know how to try to explain them to someone else much less have them understand you.
 | |
| Beautiful, talented, fun-loving, smart... |
On May 28, 1987 My social status increased a notch or two (at least in my own mind) when I moved from hot as Hades, Phoenix Arizona to sunny Southern California. As much as I loved the idea of being in the cooler climate and living in a state that was "totally rad", I was terribly depressed! Here I am 15 years old at the peak of insecurity and vulnerability all controlled by raging bi-polar hormones and without a safety net! This age is seldom the ideal time for a life change. I left behind all my extended family and friends and knew no one in my new city of Spring Valley, CA. (A small suburb east of San Diego.) I missed my Suki! She would have known how to make friends and found the cool places to go and how to have a blast and do all the fun crazy things I was afraid to try. She would have made California cool! So to make the transition a little easier for me my mom suggested that we see if Suki could come out for an extended visit.
So in the summer of that year her parents put her on a plane and she came to stay. Life seemed bearable with her here. She'd cut her beautiful curly locks off and shocked me with a super cool short haircut. She made everything look cool. We hung out with my cousin who came down to visit from Fresno and even got my parents to drive us 3 hours to Six Flags Magic Mountain with a couple really cute guy friends, one of which I was crushing on hard core! Rod Oberlin. ... I'm getting off track. The point is, Suki could make everything better. She made everything fun. The next couple years improved for me in California. I settled into my new life with new friends but never let go of the one friend who meant the most to me.
Before P.C.'s and cell phones with I.M's and text messaging we were old school pen pals. Sending letters with cassette tapes of recordings of me as I carried my boom box around every place I went pretending it was Suki with me, and photos of me w/" boom box Suki". (I bet I have a cassette tape somewhere along with the photos.) She 'virtually' lived with me here in California.
 |
| 1989 Seventeen and enjoying the best summer of our lives. |
Then again in the summer of '89 she came out for like a month and we had an absolute blast. We attended a beautiful outdoor wedding I was in, hung out with fun friends at the pool and beach, taking old school selfies with cameras on timers and slept on rooftops. It was a most excellent adventure. Except for that one and only fight I can remember we ever had where she called me naive and I got all offended and pouted off downstairs and slept on the living room couch like a wounded puppy. She WAS right, though. I was naive. I really didn't know a thing about the harsh realities of life or of the sadness and turmoil she fought so hard to keep buried inside.
During the next two years, she married a local boy and I married a guy from Australia. We were the maid of honor in each others weddings and remained friends as couples. They would come to visit us and we went to visit them. Whether we were touring the San Diego zoo, sitting in the back of our red Toyota pick up drinking wine coolers and watching the city lights from the top of Squaw Peak Mountain or skiing the Rockies in Telluride Colorado we were always laughing. I remember our visit to Colorado. I was an inexperienced skier at best. I can still hear her trying to help me ski around the top edge of the mountain as we made our way to the lift that took us straight down to their apartment at the foot of the mountain. "Plow for your life Sunny! Plow for your life!" She yelled. My heart was racing and my palms sweating but I knew if I did exactly what she said I'd make it. I did.
 |
| 1990 Little girls pretending to be grown up. |
Then one day in 1994 I got a phone call from Suki's husband that broke my heart. She'd made a shocking and life changing decision that tore our friendship apart. The details aren't important but suffice it to say, I could hardly believe it. She wrote me a letter a few months later asking for help of sorts. I didn't know what to make of it as the information she was sharing with me was quite confusing and felt very disconnected from the reality I was aware of. I could hear her voice in the letter but not her soul. As a naive 23 year old I called her soon to be ex-husband. His level of confusion and frustration over her behavior left me confused, discouraged and with the belief that she was simply grasping at straws and looking for justification for her actions. I did not reply to her letter. I can't say if that was the right decision or not. I do know that at the time I believed it to be the right thing to do, I can also tell you that sometimes I'd wished that I'd responded to her, to try to understand her, to help her. However, many years later I would learn that what she was going through was far beyond anything I would have known how to handle. She was on a path that I would not likely have had any influence over.
In 1996 I was pregnant with my first child and as I sat on the living room floor packing to move, I came across a poem Suki had written me back in 1985 along with photos of us. I cried. No, I sobbed! By this time I had heard Suki had gotten remarried and had even had a little girl. I was so angry and sad that our kids were not going to grow up together. I wasn't there for her daughters birth and she wasn't going to be there for my son's birth. We couldn't share parenting stories and be aunty Suki and aunty Sunny. I missed her so much. I packed away the poem and the photos and as I wiped away the tears I thought, 'She'll be back. It's just a matter of time.'
Over the next 14 years I would hear rumors of Suki doing both better and worse. Mostly worse. I heard of divorce, births, ill health and even homelessness. All of which left me heartbroken. Every time we took a trip to Arizona to see family or friends, I'd look out at the people driving past and wonder if I'd see her driving next to me. Would I even recognize her? What did her hair look like now? Would she recognize me? Would she want to even see me? Did she resent me for not responding to her letter?
During that time I myself experienced a few highs and many lows. I had another child, a long separation then divorce, single motherhood, trips to the welfare office, a nervous break and multiple failed courtships. One day to my delight I received a bitter sweet card from Suki's mother. I decided to give her a call. I learned that she and Suki's dad were raising Suki's youngest daughter. The baby was healthy and happy. Suki was still struggling to find her way and accept the help she so desperately needed. I still held on to hope.
Then, on May 23, 2014 at 8:09 PM I got the news I'd been waiting 20 years for. Suki had returned and was looking to reconnect with healthy friendships. She was well and living in a small apartment in Mesa AZ with a good job and getting the help she needed. Two weeks later I drove out to Mesa with my parents to see her. Words fail to convey the overwhelming joy, excitement and nervousness I felt in anticipation of our reunion. My friend was back in my life and once again filled the emptiness in my heart.
We have lots of catching up to do. Life has not always been kind and we both carry scars. We're not the same 17 year old girls that we once were, flashing the hang loose sign calling out "babe alert" as cute boys pass by. But deep down we're still the best friends that hold each others hearts safely inside the other. And one day those scars will be gone forever and we will laugh long and loud and every tear we shed will be tears of joy. Because,' love is patient and kind... does not look for it's own interest... It does not keep account of the injury...It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, love never fails...'
 | |
| May 2014 Still beautiful, talented smart and friends forever. |
I remember the day I met you, I never thought you'd be
The closest person to my heart for all eternity.
We shared all of our secrets and problems great and small.
To keep us even closer, we agreed we'd share all.
Then your family decided to move and I only felt selfishly,
"How will I be able to get along without Sunny here with me?"
I started to hear about new friends and I figured I had lost you.
So I came to visit and (as usual) our friendship seemed to pull through.
But being apart out personalities had grown, so we more often disagreed.
But in the end, I always looked back, to see you still standing by me.
Now we're apart and I keep in touch as much as I possibly can.
Realizing my true home is with you in the sun and sand.
To tell you the truth I'm not quite sure what keeps our relationship alive.
But I hope it keeps on working until the day that I have died.
We've been best friends for almost fifteen years.
We've shared our laughter and drowned in tears.
Our "oneness" even though distant proves to be honest and true.
My life is something I want you to share. I'll always be here for you.
