Michael was on holiday from Canada, visiting a close friend. Just before returning home he and his friend David accepted an invitation to a quaint bar/restaurant where a local band would be playing and the offer of meeting 'a girl' was placed before him.
I had heard of this visiting Canadian and was told by someone near and dear to me that we might "hit it off". I was not filled with hope, in fact I was filled with nothing. I knew how all such encounters ended up. Some average to moderately attractive guy with little or no personality would insist on buying my meal or drink or ticket and then try to hold my hand, kiss me or end up just throwing up on me. Then being the nice girl and enabler that I am as well as not possessing the ability to say "thanks, but no thanks" I'd pity date him or engage him for as long as possible until I could find a way to break it off or get him to break up with me. So I really didn't even give meeting him much thought. I didn't get especially fixed up or go buy anything new to wear. Why bother?
So as I sat at the bar in front of the window, chatting with my girlfriends as we watched the people mingling on the patio, guys scoping out the room for a girl to hit on and girls holding their glasses of wine and Pina Coladas giggling while tossing their hair back, I had nearly forgotten that I was to be meeting someone. Then Christine, with excitement in her voice said, "Here they are! Look! Hurry! They're just coming up the front walk." As I swiveled around on my bar stool to see these supposed interesting men, I quickly scanned the walk way and laid my eyes on two of the most unusually stylish men I ever had the pleasure of viewing. With my jaw well below my shoulders and eyes the size of cappuccino saucers I turned to Christine and had to clarify, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That's them? Seriously?" She confirmed it with out equivocation. Then as they entered the room I saw only one man, though both were present.
I was completely taken nearly breathless from that moment on. Never before had the draw to a man been so strong. With a blushing smile, weak knees and a slightly trembling voice, we were introduced. He shook my hand with gentle strength, not the wet noodle hold so many men will extend to a woman as if they might break them with their hand shake. His voice sounded just a touch hoarse which only added to his charming Canadian accent that wasn't too heavy nor filled with never ending, eh's. After excusing himself to order a drink I became flushed with nerves and hot with passion. After a group rally of positive reinforcement from my girlfriends I drew up the courage to forge my way to his table and sat myself down next to him. With my heart pounding loudly in my ears we made pleasantly humorous small talk with the occasional flirtatious expression or brush of the shoulder against the other. While we both made only pale attempts to visit with others it was clear that we were enjoying the company of each other over anyone else. The day had ended and the new one having begun several hours earlier, it was now time to leave. Not knowing if I would ever see him again, he searched for me in the dark of the driveway to send me off with a most sincere hug. The feel of a real man holding me the way he did had been something I'd long missed, but didn't know how much until that moment.
The day had dawned and opportunity to see him came again. Christine and I met him and David, along with David's sister for brunch. We sat across from each other and shared all our personal history of love, loss, fear and joy. One moment that took me back with a bit of surprise was when he went to share with me a piece of gum. It wasn't so much the sharing the gum that was surprising but rather the fact that when I placed the gum in my mouth and immediately expressed my displeasure in it's flavor and pretended to spit it out. He, without hesitation, reached his hand out under my mouth as to take the gum. With a quick flick of my tongue I popped the gum out of my mouth and into his hand. Then he put it in his mouth! That was AWESOME! We hardly even knew each other but at that very moment, I fell in love!
During the following 3 days Michael chewed gum, a lot of gum! He had told me that it was a new kind of fetish that he and David had since being here on holiday. He shared humorous stories of golfing with mouths full of gigantic wads of gum and the never ending flow of new pieces being added to the wad. Michael evidently favored the original bubble gum flavor but expressed equal pleasure over trying some of the more exotic kinds, such as tropical mango twist. On our last evening together we enjoyed a dinner, tequila, a walk along the city streets in the crisp winter air, intimate conversation, a visit to one of San Diego's famous landmarks, the Star of India and a kiss the likes I've never had nor should have again. *sigh* How I do love tropical mango twist gum.
The time had come for us to part ways and for Michael to returned home to Canada. I expected nothing further from the relationship other than a storybook memory of a most fantastic 5 days with a beautiful, engaging, intelligent, sensitive, kind, caring man. Upon his return home he sent a text wherein he expressed appreciation for the time we'd spent together and a desire to speak again soon. It was all the encouragement I needed. I had gone from a woman content with being a single mother of two with no hope nor immediate need for male companionship to a desperate stalking crazy lady hyperventilating at the thought of not being with her one true love! Yes people, this is what happens to those of us who have the tendency to let all the emotions run rampant within ones heart and we give up all sensibleness, logic and reason.
So I had this, what I thought, really cute idea. I was going to surprise him with a 'care package'. It was little more than a unique box filled with all sorts of gum! Since he was to be leaving Canada in less than 5 days for another trip, this time a cruise around the Caribbean, I wanted him to have it before he left.
So I went to the store and found they had gum on sale. Perfect! Buy one get one free. I bought THIRTEEN MULTI-PACKS of gum. Yes, let's calculate that... there are 13 multi-packs of gum and in each pack are 10 packs with 10 pieces in each pack.....soooo.. we're talking 1300 pieces of gum! Then, I drove all over town looking for the perfect 'unique' box to put all 1300 pieces of gum in. Let me know when you've stopped laughing and I'll proceed...
After hours of driving from one novelty shop and gift store to local markets and franchise Mega Malls I was forced to settle on an average but handsome box. It was simple but manly. I purchased the proper packing paper, wrapped it, addressed it (which by the way I did not have his address so I had to "research" his address via the Internet like some nut job stalker) and headed off to the post office.
The box of course was over 4lbs which means I'd have to pay a bit extra. Then I was given three options, 1. Standard - arrived in 7 to 10 working days. 2. Express - 5 working days and 3. Overnight Guarantee - 3 days. Well, since I had desired to have my little care package arrive before his trip because I'm so freakin obsessive AND I already enclosed a really cute little Betty Boop card in the box making reference to his trip, I really had no other option. 3. Overnight Guarantee. You know where this is going don't you?
After filling out two different customs forms and waiting like 10 min while the lovely 'Cat' with her claw like green tipped glitter nails, gold rings with sparkling gems on EVERY finger, attempted to find a postal code for Gum, she finally chose to label it 'Non-Perishable Food.' She then, with her big beautiful brown bug eyes looked up at me and said, "Do you know how much this is going to cost ya honey? $62.47! You sure you wanna do this shuga?" With the sick feeling in my gut and a sort of screeching sound from my mouth I uttered the pathetic words, "It's for a guy!" She shook her head, raised one eyebrow and said, "Will that be credit or debit?"
After giving me my receipt I was however assured that it would actually be there by tomorrow. Tomorrow! Holy Crap!... All of a sudden I started thinking about how Michael was going to see that I paid $62.47 to send him 1300 pieces of gum- OVERNIGHT! I mean seriously people, who does that sort of stuff? I only just met the guy. Oh it all sounded so cute and a little romantic when I thought the idea up, but then when I thought of my poor children's faces when I have to tell them, "I'm sorry sweetie, we are all going to have to skip dinner tonight and tomorrow too since mommy spent our money on 1300 pieces of gum for a man you don't know and that mommy just met 5 days ago." (I seriously hope your laughing your butt off right now because I need to know this will be just an amusing story for all to laugh at and not a, Oh my Gosh, this is really some kind of scary chick story)
So now all I could do is wait and wonder in agony. Would he freak out? Would he find it amusing and somehow endearing? Would he be freaked out by the fact that I somehow located his place of residence? Would he think me creative and thoughtful? Would he refuse the package? Would he respond right away or wait or maybe not at all EVER!? Oh how the thoughts and the worry ran through my gut like a hamster on a spinning wheel.
What the H E double hockey sticks was I thinking!? I should have written, directed and starred in the movie "How to lose a guy in 10 days!"
To be continued...
