Smart People can be so Stupid

Can you remember when you were in school and there was always this one student who was the smartest one in class? They always finished their work first, got A's and 100% with exclamations like "WOW!" "Great Job!" with the little :0) on it. I was not that student.

In fact I remember in 2nd grade every week the teacher had a coloring contest. We colored a different picture every week and the best ones were placed above the chalk board with a small red, green or blue star sticker placed next to the students name. I was bound and determined to have my picture up there. I focused and dedicated all my efforts to color an absolutely beautiful and perfect picture, yet to no avail! There was this one kid, "The Smart Kid" who every week had his picture up there. So I studied his work to try to decipher what made his work special. I noticed that he outlined everything in black so as to make all the other colors stand out. So I tried that, I even practiced at home and even thought, "OK this is it, it's really good." I wanted my work to have a place of honor and special recognition just like his. I needed to feel special. Well, as you can undoubtedly guess, I NEVER did get my work posted above the chalk board with the little red, green or blue star placed next to my name. I was crushed!

That experience was the first of many that taught me that some of us will always struggle to "just get by". Year after year I watched as there were those who seemed to grasp complicated concepts with the greatest of ease while I would pour over the material reading and rereading or fighting to memorize something that everyone else had solidly fixed in mind two grades ago. With all that effort my highest grade that I can recall was a B in English everything else, C's, AVERAGE! What happens to someone who spends their entire childhood and young adult life with that sort of experience? ...

What of the person who, because of inborn ability and natural talent has great success in all they do? What happens to them?...

My brother is one of those "Smart People". He's 5 years my junior and was born with all the right stuff. I remember one day he came home from school with report card in hand and tears streaming down his face. He was devastated over one of his grades. He got a B in Handwriting. HANDWRITING? HANDWRITING?! I was so angry at him, how could he be so upset over a B in HANDWRITING? Of course I was immature and he was my little brother so my reaction was not really appropriate(he had set high standards for himself and when he didn't measure up he was disappointed in himself, I get it now)but the experience sort of illustrates my feelings about a situation that occurred recently.

I was sharing a lovely meal with some good friends and acquaintances, and we were engaged in a lovely conversation about life, work, past, present and future. Among the group were a few "Smart People". Among them one such "Smart Person" expressed, with an almost giddy delight, the joy she experienced at her job. She spoke of the endless doors that had been opened to her, the opportunity she was enjoying to enrich her life and be challenged as a person and learn more about her craft. As I listened intently I couldn't help but fell a bit of envy over her experiences. She did indeed work hard to gain the credentials she needed to do well, and I admired her for her dedication and her work ethic. Her motto was "Get paid the most for the least amount of work". OK, that could be taken as a sort of greedy attitude but I don't believe her to be such. I like to say, "Work smart not hard". The idea of being the most efficient and productive you can be is wise. But when she started to lose me was when she spoke of making sure that you know your worth and that you should demand they pay such. Yes, of course you need to know your worth but you will find that not everyone will see your worth nor will they treat you or give you your due. Now apply that to the job market. The vast majority of those in the work force are not being paid their worth. (Because the corporate giants of this corrupt system are being paid far more than their worth! But that's another subject)

Then she said something that made me flush with resentment. She boldly asserted that all a person needs to do is "follow your bliss and doors will open up to you that would be open to no one else". (A cute phrase she has posted on her bathroom mirror) She elaborated with, "I've seen time and time again that when you just put it out there, what you want comes to you." YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

It began to occur to me that she must have had so much come easy to her. Mind you that I take nothing away from the hard work she put into her career. I believe she did indeed earn her position and was well qualified. But this is a girl who got her picture placed up above the chalk board with the red, green or blue sticker next to her name. She was told her whole life, "Wow" "Great Job" :0).

Again I wish to be clear, I take nothing away from her hard work and dedication. But I assure you that just to "put it out there" or to "know your worth" or "following your bliss" will not insure that you will find the job or career or even the life that brings you ecstasy! We are not all alike, some of us were not born with great intelligence, fantastic talents, or even just the gift of self-confidence. Therefore most of us will fight, struggle, agonize and claw our way through life to just get by.

So please, if your one of those "Smart People", the kind that many things, be they understanding or opportunities come plentiful, be grateful, consider yourself blessed. And never ever judge another for what they 'fail' to possess in this life as if they chose to be who or what they are. None of us can know whether or not someone is living up to their potential. Only God can do that.

I still color from time to time and I love it. I think my work is beautiful and I DON'T outline everything in black! I no longer need anyone to tell me "Wow, Great Job" I already know it. But I don't expect to win awards nor be paid handsomely for my work either. It's just the way life is for ME. For now anyway. One day there will be nothing to prevent me from doing and having the life I've always wanted. A life that will be filled with not just temporary enjoyment of job or career but an eternity of ecstasy in all that I do!

Portrait of A Man

Placed inside an interior room hangs a portrait of a man perfectly groomed.
Behind a mischievous grin and a brow that bows low hides a soul of deep passion growing bitter and old.
Covered in a blackened shrowed his heart is kept warm, beating in secret for the love of life worn.
Coursing through his veins is the sweetness of honey and the touch of his skin I pray ner to miss.
Lending to his eyes a glorious glow is the hope that he carries for loves tender kiss.
In hands of gentle strength he carries compassion in an unyielding grip.
On shoulders broad in grace he bears the weight of responsibility unknown. His foot solidly planted he walks undeterred toward a destination, a place of which only he's heard.
But it can only be reached when the logic lets go and his mind is free in the clouds white like snow.
But the fear of a fall that could cause him such pain keep his tenderness bound like a prisoners chains.
With breath warm like the summer and lips sweet just like spring he speaks words that are cold like the winters would bring.
As the juices of fruit that are pleasant to taste I crave for his thoughts through my mind they would grace.
As I gaze upon this portrait of you I look to the future and see the mountains you'll move.
Just what I've seen is of perfect delight.
And reveal all my secrets to you I just might.

Who are you to critisize

So who are you to criticize? Who are you to analyze? I've all my own thoughts and feelings, just like you, so who are you to criticize?

Just because they're not like yours, just because they're not worded the way yours are doesn't make them juvenile or worth anything less than your scholarly vocabulary.

Truth be told a higher IQ won't raise you above in that broken defunct relationship you find yourself trapped in now does it?

So just who are you to criticize, scoff or scorn. It's my soul I bear not yours.

Let me be just who I am, free and willing to show how I care.

I say it again, who are you to criticize?

Threads from my past

November 10,2005

How does one even begin to describe how wonderful it feels to emerge from the darkest of nights? How do I speak of the glorious freedom of breath, and the warm caress of days dawn?

All of the black and dirt from the pain is turned to bright and fresh spring of rain.

It's perfect and growing with every breath that I take, filling my soul with the love that is made. Knowledge and wisdom lie at my feet while compassion and kindness I hold in my hand as petals so sweet.

Like true loves kiss upon the nape of my neck is the tenderest love of which I have missed.

All the stars in the sky that twinkle and shine, could never compare to this love that's divine. It released me from bondage to a self I despised and snatched me from fire of evil design. It cleansed me inside from sins harshest stain like the waters that fall from heavens pure rain. Grateful I am to have weathered the storm for now I do rest in safety and warmth.



February 2, 2006

Have you ever been listening to a song on the radio and even tho you've heard it hundreds of times before for some reason, probably because of where you are in life you finally understand the words.And the meaning of it somehow describes exactly how you feel at that precise moment in time. Usually I find a line or two that stands out above the rest. I wish I could take all of those verses and write my own song. What a crazy song that would make. I think I'll keep a few of them and save it for a future time. ... "Two lips must insist on two more to be kissed,or they'll never know what love can do." ~To each his own ... "When you get what you want but not what you need. When you love someone but it goes to waist. I will try to fix you. Tears stream, Down your face. When your too in love to let it go" ~Coldplay ... "The more I see the less I know" ~ U2




February 23, 2006

Like and elephant upon her chest the pressure to push herself harder and further was ever present. Perfection was required, her best not enough. Judgement~ real or perceived tore holes in her heart. Guilt beat her with fists leaving her broken and bruised. Love~ and elusive butterfly in her hand. Always fearful it should fly away, unable to wrap her fingers tightly to hold. She tried to be grateful for it's momentary beauty and pray that it stay forever there lay.




October 8, 2008

Sometimes I lay just beneath the blanket of understanding. I see the pattern and shapes and colors almost touch it yet just out of reach.






October 9, 2008

Like holding breath in my hands is as holding the ever elusive beauty of emotional security and tender affection upon my heart.