Balancing act

little tightrope walker by Victor Joseph Gotto

Finding balance... I am forever trying to acquire that always elusive brass ring of balance. I feel like I'm trying to find that sweet spot at the center of gravity to keep myself upright. For brief moments I feel the comfort and sense of accomplishment of success. I've cared for all my responsibilities of home, family, spirituality and even made time for my own wellness and fed my creativity. But then, whoosh...
I'm right back to wobbling all over the place. Weak kneed and shaking about, everything seems to come undone a mess and incomplete. Then I dig in deep again, get up, clean up and start over, AGAIN. 

Balance seems to be a common struggle in everyone's lives. Balancing work and family. Balance in time spent in entertainment and recreation. Balance in caring for ones health. You name it it must all be balanced out. However, life and that which occurs without our control or influence still happens. It's like a harsh east wind that sometimes gusts at you unexpectedly, throwing dust in your eyes and knocking you off your game.



 Recently I've been contemplating taking on more extensive responsibilities in my bible teaching work. I've been speaking to others who are currently doing it under various circumstances to get their input on how they are able to be successful in this field. It seems to be pretty unanimous in their response. They all struggle with balance. While some have to maintain a fairly strict schedule, all of them must allow for flexibility. No one escapes the curve balls life pitches at you. From time to time they all have to make quick lunges and leaps out of the way of the speeding white bullet to avoid a gnarly black eye or knot on the noggin. Everyone says they are always vacillating back and forth from 'being on top of it' to 'feeling all out of whack'. 


I think the conclusion that I've arrived at is this: Balance is the constant but controlled swing between extremes. Life is going to push you back and forth with the unexpected, like illness, decrease or loss of income, moves, accidents and so on. The key is not getting stuck in any of the extremes for too long. When life presses you into servitude in one particular area, simply take care of it. Address it as necessary and once you have, return to the regularly scheduled program. That is what it means to be balanced. It's not a simple mathematical formula that you will be able to follow every single day of your life. 8 hours of labor, 8 hours of recreation, 8 hours of rest sure sounds great but who can realistically accomplish that on a daily basis?  I know I can't! I have 5 kids! Someone will without a doubt need something from me that will cut into either my 8 hours of recreation or more likely my 8 hours of rest.

So my goal is to stop trying to make every day a perfect proportion of all things. I must accept that each day will be different. Sometimes half the day will need to be spent caring for nothing but my creative need. Some days will be spent knee deep in laundry and groceries while others in deeply meaningful spiritual activity.

 I am beginning to realize that balance is seen through a longer lens. That it is a long term achievement not a short term accomplishment. I think if I can adjust my perspective I'll be a more content and happier person. I can tend to lose my joy and pleasure in life and relationships when I'm trying to accomplish the impossible. That is a critical error on my part and in order to preserve the most valuable things in my life it's imperative that I make some adjustments. For those of you that know me I hope you see positive results.

When I grow up.

I started writing this blog back in 2008 more as a personal online journal. I've been writing in a journal on and off since I was 13 when my aunt Penny gave me a diary for my 6th grade graduation.  I still have it (it's the one with The Cure postcard taped to it at the bottom.) as well as more than a dozen journals that followed.

 I'm not a regular journal keeper. I don't write daily, but I definitely have needed a place to put all the minutia that swims around in my head keeping me up at night. I find that this on line journal does something different than my personal journal at home. It has evolved over the years. What I'm hoping to get out of blogging is personal growth more than anything. I also want to share my life events (re-frame life events so as to better learn from them.) I write first for me and second you the reader.

If only I had more time to put fingers to keys. The things I could share. As many of my followers know, I've recently married.  May 5th will be our 2yr. anniversary. I now have 5 children. Ages range from 9 - 18. I thought as a single mother I was busy... Yeah, not nearly as busy as I am now. That's what happens when you add 4 more people to your personal space.

It's never boring, always something going on. It feels like time has suddenly picked up speed. I am finding it difficult to stop and smell the roses sometimes. Or in my case, watch the sunset. We have such beautiful winter sunsets here in Southern California. Sorry, I'm getting way off track.

You see when I started writing this post I had it titled: What I wanna be when I grow up. That was months ago. I wrote all of about two paragraphs and added the photo and now I have absolutely no idea what I was going to write about.

I'm totally making all this up as I go. "Why?" you ask. Because I made time for writing and dad gum it I'm going to write. I've got laundry in the dryer, washer and on the floor waiting for it's turn but I don't care. I got dirty dished that need cleaning, rugs that need vacuuming and dinner that needs cooking but I'm gonna let it all set for a bit because my head is in the beautiful place that I seldom get to visit. It's not making all that much sense and it's quite random and not at all interesting to you as the reader but again, I don't mind.

Sometimes in this busy life we live some of us spend an awful lot of time doing the things we 'have to' do. We don't always spend enough time doing the things that we really like to do. 

My husband sometimes says he'd give up the next 10 years of life to be in that place where you no longer have a mile long list of things to be done. Why do we wait till were in our late 50's or 60's to stop running around like crazzies doing this and doing that? Is it just because of family responsibilities, children? I'm sure that plays a part but I'd bet it's our under developed wisdom. I love how the older you get the less you worry so much about all the stuff. You start to get so tired of drama and pleasing others and living up to expectations, you just let it go and become comfortable with who, what, and where you are.

Today, just for a few minutes, I sit in my sweats and slippers and write just so that I can connect to the person I wanna be when I grow up. Content.

 

 

Act as if...

"Fake it till you make it." "Smiles everyone, smiles!" You ever hear anyone say that? The 'smiles' quote is from the late 70's early 80's television series "Fantasy Island". It starred Ricardo Montalbán as Mr. Roarke. Ahhh... I miss that show.

  I can still hear my dad saying that. It was usually after a less than pleasant family "discussion" or "pep talk" in the car on the way to some social or educational function where we would be interacting with friends and acquaintances. As kids can sometimes be, I was probably being a brat in the back seat moping, whining or almost certainly being some kind of antagonist to my younger brother. Mom often followed up his statement with something like, 'Just because YOU'RE in a bad mood doesn't mean that everyone else has to put up with it.' While at 12 I resented having to 'smile' for everyone or pretend to be happy, I learned two very valuable lessons.

First. Burdening others with your foul state of mind is simply bad manners. It's not loving or kind. There is a time, place and people to "be yourself" and share frustrations and pain with. Maturity will help you discern when doing so is appropriate and healthy.

Second. Sometimes, when you're outside is saying, "I'm happy" the inside can get on board as well. Now I'm not talking about serious emotional or mental conditions that go beyond melancholy or a bad day. That is something different entirely. I'm talking about the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) that will loiter around in your head during stressful, anxious or new settings.

During my lifetime, I hung out with these guys, A LOT! And boy were they bad association.They spoiled quite a few useful habits in my day. In more recent years I've gradually cut back on the time I spend with them. They've never really brought out the best in me.  So instead I've started to 'act as if..."

A fellow writer posted this clip a week or so ago and the thoughts there in resonated with me and reminded me of my experiences with 'faking it' and 'smiling'. Check it out and come back to me. Go on, I'll wait...
 http://www.hitfix.com/videos/conan-obrien-cant-stop-act-as-if

Something to think about huh?

What I believe is that on occasion we can be our own biggest obstacle to getting to where we wanna go or being who we wanna be.  We tell ourselves things like, "I can't", "I don't", " I could never" and so on. All of which prevent us from doing the very thing we really want to do.

 One of the many things I have wanted to do was to be a writer. However, my association with the ANTs prevented me from even seeing the fact that I already WAS a writer. I've got a stack of journals and composition books to prove it too. (I'll show you them later.) Now whether or not I'm a "good" writer in the eyes of literary critics is really irrelevant. I write for me and the few dear friends and family who enjoy reading what I write. And on occasion I am delighted by the passerby who reads what I've written and says 'Hey, I enjoyed reading that.'  "How awesome is that!" I exclaim. I don't ask for more.

 I'm really enjoying this road I'm on. The hard part is now trying to balance all the other responsibilities in my life with my new-found label 'writer'. Man I love saying that, "I"m a writer."

So if you are like me and you're not doing something you want to be doing because you're afraid you can't or couldn't, stop NOT doing it and start DOING it. Act as if you ARE and CAN. Fake it until you are making it. Smile until you feel good inside. Tell everyone on the outside who you already are and give your inside a little time to jump on the band wagon. You're gonna be glad you did!